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Supporting someone who has been a victim of crime

See full series here.

This article is part of a series, Supporting Crime Victims.

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Introduction: Crime Victim Support

In recent years, Vermont has witnessed an unsettling rise in crime, a trend that has left indelible marks on individuals and communities alike. The psychological aftermath of these crimes isn't confined to the victims alone; it ripples through families, friends, and neighborhoods, challenging the fabric of our community resilience. This article aims to address this challenge head-on by offering a practical, compassionate guide for those who find themselves in the crucial role of supporting friends and neighbors affected by crime.

Understanding and effectively responding to the needs of crime victims is more than an act of kindness; it's a vital step towards healing the broader community. The support provided by friends and neighbors can significantly aid in the recovery process, helping to restore a sense of safety, trust, and normalcy. This guide is crafted to equip you with the knowledge and skills necessary to offer this support in the most effective way, ensuring that your efforts are both helpful and respectful of the victim's journey towards healing.

Recognizing the Impact of Crime on Individuals

Crime leaves a profound and often complex impact on its victims, an impact that varies significantly from person to person. It's critical to recognize that each individual's experience and reaction to crime are unique, shaped by a multitude of factors including their personal history, the nature of the crime, and their current coping mechanisms. While one person may exhibit resilience and a quick recovery, another might struggle with long-term emotional and psychological effects.

Common emotional responses to trauma include a range of feelings, from shock and disbelief to intense anger, fear, and profound sadness. These reactions are normal and are part of the natural human response to a traumatic event. It's not uncommon for victims to oscillate between different emotions, sometimes experiencing several within a short timeframe. In some cases, victims might also show signs of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

As friends or neighbors of crime victims, it's important to approach these emotional responses without judgment or assumption. Offering a listening ear and a supportive presence is crucial, but so is respecting the victim's personal experience and emotional state. Acknowledge their feelings and provide a safe space for them to express themselves, but avoid making assumptions about how they should or shouldn't be feeling. This respectful recognition of the diverse impacts of crime is the first step in providing meaningful support.

Effective Listening Techniques

Effective listening is a cornerstone of providing support to victims of crime. It involves much more than simply hearing the words spoken; it's about actively engaging with the speaker in a way that makes them feel heard, understood, and validated. Here are some key aspects of active listening:

  • Maintain Eye Contact: Gentle eye contact can convey your attention and concern. It's a non-verbal way of saying, “I am here with you and I am listening.”

  • Nod and Use Encouraging Words: Small nods and verbal affirmations like “I see,” or “I understand” can encourage the speaker to continue, showing that you are engaged in the conversation.

  • Reflect Back What You've Heard: Occasionally, paraphrase what the victim has said. This not only shows that you are listening but also helps clarify and confirm your understanding of their experience.

Creating a safe space for victims to express themselves is equally important. This means:

  • Respect Privacy: Ensure the conversation happens in a private, quiet place where the victim feels comfortable and safe to open up.

  • Be Patient and Non-Judgmental: Allow them to speak at their own pace, without rushing or interrupting them. Refrain from passing judgments or making assumptions about their experience.

  • Show Empathy: Empathize with their feelings, but avoid saying things like, “I know exactly how you feel,” as this can inadvertently minimize their unique experience.

To avoid common communication mistakes:

  • Refrain from Offering Unsolicited Advice: Resist the urge to offer quick solutions or advice, especially if not requested. Sometimes, the best support you can offer is simply to listen.

  • Avoid Minimizing Their Feelings: Statements like “It could have been worse,” or “You just need to move on,” can be hurtful and dismissive. Acknowledge the severity of their experience and validate their feelings.

  • Stay Focused on Their Experience: Keep the conversation centered on their feelings and experiences, rather than sharing your own stories or drawing comparisons.

By honing these listening skills, you can become a more effective and compassionate supporter for those who have experienced the trauma of crime.

Understanding and Responding to Trauma

Trauma, especially resulting from crime, can elicit a wide range of responses that manifest in both behavior and emotions. Recognizing these responses is crucial in providing appropriate support.

  • Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn: The most common trauma responses include fight (anger or aggression), flight (avoidance or escape), freeze (inaction or numbness), and fawn (pleasing others to avoid conflict). These are natural defense mechanisms that individuals may display after experiencing trauma.

  • Behavioral and Emotional Manifestations: Victims might show increased irritability, anxiety, or may become withdrawn and detached. Sleep disturbances, flashbacks, and mood swings are also common. Emotionally, they might feel overwhelmed, helpless, or experience guilt and shame.

Responding to these trauma responses requires compassion and understanding:

  • Provide a Non-Judgmental Space: Offer a safe environment where they can express their feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. Let them know that their feelings are valid and understandable.

  • Avoid Forcing Conversations: Respect their pace in opening up about the experience. Forcing discussions about the trauma can exacerbate stress and anxiety.

  • Responding to Specific Trauma Responses:

  • When they display ‘fight’ responses, offer reassurance and understanding without escalating the situation.

  • For ‘flight’ responses, gently encourage them to face their feelings when they're ready, but don't push them.

  • In cases of ‘freeze’ responses, encourage small steps of action or engagement, but respect their need for space.

  • For ‘fawn’ responses, reassure them that their needs and feelings are important and encourage them to express them.

Patience and understanding are key in dealing with trauma-induced behaviors. It’s important to:

  • Recognize the Process of Healing: Understand that recovery from trauma is a journey that can take time and may not follow a linear path.

  • Stay Consistent and Predictable: Offer consistent support. Predictability can help create a sense of safety and stability for the victim.

  • Encourage Professional Help: While offering support, also acknowledge the limits of your ability to help and encourage seeking professional help when necessary.

By understanding these trauma responses and responding with patience and empathy, you can play a significant role in the healing process of someone who has experienced the trauma of crime.

Offering Emotional Support

Providing emotional support to victims of crime is a delicate balance of being present, showing empathy, and validating their feelings, all while respecting their emotional space and boundaries. Here's how you can approach this:

  • Being Present: Sometimes, the most powerful form of support is simply being there. Your physical presence, or even a phone call or message, can offer immense comfort. It's a non-verbal way of saying, “You’re not alone in this.”

  • Showing Empathy: Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of another. Listen to their experiences and try to put yourself in their shoes. Phrases like “That sounds incredibly difficult,” or “I can see how that would be very upsetting,” can convey empathy effectively.

  • Validating Feelings: Acknowledge and validate their feelings, regardless of what they are. Avoid dismissing or trivializing their emotions. Instead, affirm their feelings by saying things like “Your feelings are completely valid,” or “It’s understandable to feel that way after what you’ve been through.”

Respecting the victim's emotional space and boundaries is crucial:

  • Respect Their Need for Space: Recognize that sometimes, they might need time alone. If they prefer not to talk about the incident or their feelings, respect this without pushing them.

  • Check-In, Don’t Intrude: Regular check-ins are good, but be mindful not to intrude. Follow their lead in conversations about the trauma, and be attentive to cues that they might need a break or a change in topic.

  • Be Mindful of Physical Boundaries: Be cautious with physical comfort like hugs. Always ask for consent before initiating physical contact.

Encouraging professional help should be done gently and tactfully:

  • Suggest, Don’t Insist: Bring up the option of professional help as a suggestion, not an insistence. Mention that many find it helpful to talk to someone who is trained to help with trauma.

  • Provide Information: If they seem open to the idea, offer to help them find resources or provide information about local therapists or support groups.

  • Reassure Them: Let them know that seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Reassure them that it’s okay to need and ask for help.

By offering emotional support with empathy, validation, and respect, you can help crime victims navigate their emotional journey towards healing, while also reinforcing the importance of their well-being and autonomy.

Practical Support and Assistance

Offering practical support to crime victims can significantly ease their burden and contribute to their recovery process. However, it's important to do so in a way that respects their autonomy and decision-making. Here are some ways to provide practical assistance:

  • Help with Everyday Tasks: Offer to assist with daily chores that might seem overwhelming for the victim at the moment. This can include grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, or taking care of pets.

  • Accompanying to Appointments: Offer to accompany them to important appointments, whether they are medical, legal, or counseling sessions. Having a supportive friend or neighbor by their side can be comforting.

  • Transportation Assistance: If they are uncomfortable or unable to drive, offer to provide transportation or help arrange it for important errands or appointments.

When offering help, it's vital to respect the victim's independence:

  • Ask Before Acting: Always ask before taking on a task for them. This ensures that your help is needed and wanted, and respects their decision-making power.

  • Offer Options, Not Decisions: When suggesting assistance, present it as options rather than decisions. For example, say, “Would it help if I picked up some groceries for you?” instead of, “I’ll do your grocery shopping.”

  • Respect Their ‘No’: If they decline your offer for help, respect their decision without pushing or taking offense. They might not be ready for certain kinds of assistance, or they may prefer to handle things on their own.

Navigating the legal and administrative aspects post-crime is another area where practical support can be valuable:

  • Information Gathering: Offer to help gather information about legal rights, processes, or available services. This can include researching victim support services or information about the legal process.

  • Documentation Assistance: Offer assistance with any necessary paperwork or documentation that may be overwhelming for the victim to handle alone.

  • Being a Supportive Ally: During legal proceedings or meetings with authorities, be a supportive presence. Your role is not to speak for them, but to offer moral support and reassure them that they are not alone in these processes.

By providing practical support with sensitivity and respect for the victim's autonomy, you can help ease their day-to-day challenges and reinforce their sense of control and independence.

Recognizing Victim Blaming

Introduction to Victim Blaming

Victim blaming is a pervasive issue that manifests across various societal contexts, effectively silencing and further victimizing those who have already suffered abuse. This phenomenon is rooted in complex power dynamics, where abusers are often recast as victims, shifting the focus and blame away from their actions. Such a narrative not only harms the actual victims but also reinforces a broader societal issue that legitimizes and perpetuates abuse. This is not merely about individual incidents; it reflects deeply ingrained power structures that validate the abuser's behavior and invalidate the victim's experiences.

Recognizing Victim Blaming

Within the context of supporting crime victims, recognizing the mechanisms of victim blaming is crucial. It often arises from dynamics of power and privilege, where those in positions of authority or societal favor seek to delegitimize and silence victims. Tactics employed include intimidation, denial of support, and a culture that subtly or overtly re-centers the narrative around the abuser. This is further enabled by societal structures and misconceptions rooted in theories such as the Just World theory, which suggests people get what they deserve, thereby rationalizing victimization; the Invulnerability theory, which implies "it could never happen to me," leading to distancing and disbelief; and the Assumptive World theory, which presupposes the world as just and fair, challenging the acceptance of random, unjust victimization. These theories, while psychologically comforting, serve to rationalize abuse and maintain a distance from the vulnerability of being a potential victim.

Why Victim Blaning is Dangerous

The repercussions of victim-blaming attitudes are profoundly detrimental. They marginalize survivors, discourage them from seeking help, and perpetuate a cycle of abuse. These attitudes provide a fertile ground for abusers to continue their manipulative tactics with impunity. By undermining the experiences and voices of victims, society not only fails to provide the necessary support but also emboldens perpetrators. The link between victim blaming and broader societal issues such as toxic masculinity and rape culture cannot be overstated. These attitudes contribute to an environment where abuse is minimized, excused, or outright ignored, necessitating a shift towards societal accountability and change. The danger lies not just in the immediate effects on individuals but in the perpetuation of a culture that devalues and dismisses the severity of abuse.

Combating Victim Blaming in Your Community

To effectively counter victim blaming, individuals and communities must adopt proactive strategies. It begins with recognizing and challenging victim-blaming statements whenever they occur, emphasizing the importance of not excusing or rationalizing abusers' behaviors. Supporting survivors involves more than just offering sympathy; it requires a commitment to believe and uphold their stories, providing a foundation of trust and understanding. One of the critical steps towards changing the prevailing narrative is to examine and alter our language and discourse surrounding victims and perpetrators. By shifting the focus from what the victim could have done differently to holding the abuser accountable for their actions, communities can foster a culture that prioritizes prevention, support, and respect for survivors over blame and skepticism.

What Can I Do About It?

On a personal level, there are several ways to actively combat victim blaming:

  • Challenge Harmful Statements: When encountering statements that blame the victim or minimize the abuser's responsibility, speak up. Challenge these notions to promote a more informed and compassionate perspective.

  • Support Survivors: Offer your support to survivors in ways that respect their autonomy and needs. This could range from listening without judgment to accompanying them to appointments or assisting in finding resources.

  • Hold Abusers Accountable: Advocate for a culture that holds abusers responsible for their actions, whether through legal means or community accountability.

  • Advocate for Change: Engage in activism and advocacy to address and reform the broader societal structures and attitudes that enable victim blaming. This includes supporting legislation that protects victims and ensures their rights.

  • Educate Yourself and Others: Increase your understanding of the dynamics of abuse, victim blaming, and the factors that contribute to it. Share this knowledge with others to help build a more supportive and informed community.

By engaging in these actions, you can contribute to creating a safer, more supportive environment for all individuals, particularly those who have experienced the trauma of crime. The fight against victim blaming is a collective effort that requires persistence, empathy, and a willingness to challenge entrenched societal norms. Together, through education, support, and advocacy, we can work towards a community that uplifts and empowers victims, signaling a move away from blame and towards understanding and healing.

Long-Term Support and Recovery

The journey to recovery after being a victim of crime is often a long and fluctuating process. Recognizing this as a journey that evolves over time is crucial in providing effective long-term support.

  • Acknowledge the Process: Understand that healing from trauma doesn’t have a set timeline and varies greatly from person to person. It’s important to acknowledge this process and be patient.

  • Consistent Support: Offer consistent and ongoing support. This can be as simple as regular check-ins, offering a listening ear, or continuing to assist with practical tasks. Consistency helps in building trust and a sense of security.

  • Avoid Imposing: Always be mindful of the victim’s current state and needs. Offer support but avoid imposing it. Be adaptable and respond to their changing needs over time.

  • Building a Supportive Network: Encourage the formation of a community support network. This can involve connecting the victim with local support groups, community resources, or other individuals who have experienced similar situations.


In conclusion, the role of the community and neighbors in supporting crime victims is invaluable. The collective effort in providing a supportive environment plays a pivotal role in the healing process.

  • Community Involvement: Every member of the community can contribute to supporting crime victims. Whether it’s through offering a listening ear, helping with daily tasks, or being part of a larger support network, every action counts.

  • Compassionate Approach: It is essential to approach victims with compassion and understanding. A non-intrusive approach that respects the victim's personal space, emotions, and autonomy is key in fostering an environment conducive to healing.

  • Message of Hope and Solidarity: This series of articles underscores the power of community support in fostering resilience and aiding recovery. Together, through our collective efforts and compassionate approach, we can make a significant difference in the lives of those affected by crime. The strength of community solidarity is a beacon of hope, guiding victims towards a path of recovery and resilience.


Additional Resources

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About the Author

Cody Thomas Rounds- Clinical Psychologist

photo of author Cody Thomas Rounds

Cody is board-certified clinical psychologist, but he sees himself as a lifelong learner, especially when it comes to understanding human development and the profound impact of learning on our well-being.

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