Disclaimer: This guide reflects one clinician's perspective on using this book as a psychoeducational adjunct to psychotherapy. It is intended for educational purposes only and should not replace individualized clinical judgment. Clinicians should determine whether this resource is appropriate based on each client's needs, developmental level, culture, reading ability, and treatment goals. ADDITIONAL TERMS OF USE
The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults
The groundbreaking book that puts the focus on teens and young adults with social challenges
This book offers parents a step-by-step guide to making and keeping friends for teens and young adults with social challenges―such as those diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, bipolar, or other conditions. With the book’s concrete rules and steps of social etiquette, parents will be able to assist in improving conversational skills, expanding social opportunities, and developing strategies for handling peer rejection.
Each chapter provides helpful overview information for parents; lessons with clear bulleted lists of key rules and steps; and expert advice on how to present the material to a teen or young adult. Throughout the book are role-playing exercises for practicing each skill, along with homework assignments to ensure the newly learned skills can be applied easily to a school, work, or other "real life" setting. Bonus content shows role-plays of skills covered, demonstrating the right and wrong way to enter conversations, schedule get-togethers, deal with conflict, and much more.
Why This Book?
Overview
The Science of Making Friends by Elizabeth Laugeson presents a structured, practical approach to developing and maintaining friendships. Based on the UCLA PEERS program, the book breaks complex social situations into concrete, learnable skills, including starting conversations, finding common interests, using humor, handling teasing, managing disagreements, and navigating rejection.
Unlike books that primarily explain why social relationships can be difficult, this resource focuses on what to do. Its explicit approach can be particularly helpful for adolescents and young adults who benefit from having social expectations explained directly rather than being expected to learn them intuitively.
The book works particularly well as an adjunct to therapy because individual skills can be selected based on a client's goals, practiced between sessions, and then reviewed collaboratively.
Best For
Presenting Concerns
Difficulty making or maintaining friendships
Social communication challenges
Social anxiety
Difficulty initiating conversations
Difficulty entering established social groups
Conflict with peers
Experiences of teasing or rejection
Dating and interpersonal uncertainty
Client Populations
Adolescents
Young adults
Autistic adolescents and young adults
Individuals with ADHD or other social-executive difficulties
Clients who benefit from explicit social instruction
Parents supporting adolescents with social challenges
Clinical Strengths
Translates complicated social situations into concrete and understandable strategies.
Based on skills developed through the evidence-based PEERS social skills intervention.
Addresses real-world situations such as conversations, friendships, teasing, conflict, and dating.
Provides actionable strategies rather than relying solely on insight.
Makes individual skills easy to practice and review between therapy sessions.
Can increase confidence by reducing uncertainty about unfamiliar social situations.
Clinical Considerations
This book may be less appropriate for:
Clients who are primarily seeking identity exploration rather than social skill development.
Individuals experiencing significant social burnout who currently need reduced social demands rather than additional skill practice.
Clients who experience explicit social rules as pressure to mask or suppress authentic behavior.
Clinicians should avoid presenting the strategies as universal rules for "correct" social behavior. Social expectations vary across cultures, communities, relationships, and individuals. The goal is to expand the client's repertoire of social strategies so they can make informed choices about how they want to interact with others.
When to Recommend
Early Therapy
Useful once the client has identified specific social goals, such as developing friendships, becoming more comfortable initiating conversations, or navigating peer groups.
Middle Therapy
Particularly effective when individual skills can be practiced through role-play, behavioral experiments, and real-world social experiences between sessions.
Maintenance
Can serve as a reference when clients encounter new social environments, including college, employment, dating, or community activities.
How to Use This Book
Treatment Goals
This book may help clients:
Develop practical friendship skills.
Increase confidence initiating and maintaining conversations.
Better understand common social expectations.
Improve conflict-management skills.
Navigate teasing and rejection more effectively.
Develop greater social independence.
Increase opportunities for meaningful friendships and community participation.
Discussion Questions
Which social situations are easiest for you?
Which situations feel the most confusing?
Which strategies in the book already come naturally to you?
Which strategies felt new or surprising?
Are there any recommendations you disagree with?
What kind of friendships are you actually looking for?
Where are you most likely to meet people who share your interests?
Which skill would make the biggest difference in your social life right now?
Therapeutic Interventions
Social Skills Selection
Rather than working through every strategy sequentially, identify one specific social goal with the client.
For example:
Starting conversations
Joining group conversations
Maintaining friendships
Handling disagreements
Responding to teasing
Dating
Select relevant material from the book and practice that skill before moving to another area.
Role-Play and Replay
Practice a realistic social situation during session.
After the first attempt:
Identify what worked.
Identify anything that felt awkward.
Try an alternative response.
Repeat the interaction.
Emphasize experimentation rather than performing the interaction "correctly."
Social Experiment
Collaboratively create one small real-world opportunity to practice a selected skill.
For example:
Ask someone a follow-up question.
Start a brief conversation with a classmate.
Attend an interest-based activity.
Invite an acquaintance to do something.
Review what happened during the next session, focusing on information gained rather than whether the interaction was a success or failure.
Friendship Ecosystem
Map the client's current social world:
Close friends
Casual friends
Acquaintances
Family
School or coworkers
Interest-based communities
Potential opportunities for new connections
Identify where the client would genuinely like greater connection and develop realistic opportunities for expanding those relationships.
Follow-Up Activities
Practice one selected social skill during the week.
Attend an activity organized around a genuine personal interest.
Record one social interaction that went better than expected.
Notice which environments make conversation easier or harder.
Identify people with whom interaction feels natural rather than focusing exclusively on increasing the number of social contacts.
Integration Tips
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Combine specific social strategies with behavioral experiments, graded exposure, and examination of predictions about rejection or embarrassment.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Connect social practice to personally meaningful goals such as friendship, intimacy, community, or belonging. Help clients tolerate uncertainty and discomfort while pursuing relationships they value.
Social Skills Training
Use individual chapters as structured teaching modules. Demonstration, role-play, feedback, and real-world practice can help translate conceptual understanding into usable social behavior.
Neurodiversity-Affirming Practice
Present the strategies as tools rather than rules. The goal is not to make autistic or otherwise neurodivergent clients appear neurotypical, but to increase their understanding of common social conventions and expand their choices when navigating environments that matter to them.
Editor in Chief
Cody Thomas Rounds
Cody Thomas Rounds is a licensed clinical psychologist- Master, Vice President of the Vermont Psychological Association (VPA), and an expert in leadership development, identity formation, and psychological assessment. As the chair and founder of the VPA’s Grassroots Advocacy Committee, Cody has spearheaded efforts to amplify diverse voices and ensure inclusive representation in mental health advocacy initiatives across Vermont.
In his national role as Federal Advocacy Coordinator for the American Psychological Association (APA), Cody works closely with Congressional delegates in Washington, D.C., championing mental health policy and advancing legislative initiatives that strengthen access to care and promote resilience on a systemic level.
Cody’s professional reach extends beyond advocacy into psychotherapy and career consulting. As the founder of BTR Psychotherapy, he specializes in helping individuals and organizations navigate challenges, build resilience, and develop leadership potential. His work focuses on empowering people to thrive by fostering adaptability, emotional intelligence, and personal growth.
In addition to his clinical and consulting work, Cody serves as Editor-in-Chief of PsycheAtWork Magazine and Learn Do Grow Publishing. Through these platforms, he combines psychological insights with interactive learning tools, creating engaging resources for professionals and the general public alike.
With a multidisciplinary background that includes advanced degrees in Clinical Psychology, guest lecturing, and interdisciplinary collaboration, Cody brings a rich perspective to his work. Whether advocating for systemic change, mentoring future leaders, or developing educational resources, Cody’s mission is to inspire growth, foster professional excellence, and drive meaningful progress in both clinical and corporate spaces.